Dear diary,

i can't sleep right now eventhough i'm damn tired. i'm down with a fever again and i really have no appetite to eat. i'm so sad. i'm so angry. i'm so happy. i'm so wanna cry all in mixture. and really have no appetite to eat. i'm so sad. i'm so angry. i'm so happy. i'm so wanna cry feeling mixture in my heart. very confusing. very annoying. i'm so wished that i have no feelings. so i can live my world peacefully. i felt so agitated. i wished someone was here with me as god knows how much i missed that person. life's so cruel for me. each days past by i put myself to be a better person and hoping that i could make people happy. i'm so in love. i'm so down. i'm so wish that i could be by their side at now at this time hugging tightly and let out whats in my mind to them. i wish they could be a little understand towards me and i would be very happy. rotting at home making me so sick. makes me thinks stuff so much till make me breakdown in times. whats happening to me god? i felt so useless. i burst into tears almost every nights without someone knowing. i'm not trying to show how sympathy am i but i just can't keep it with me anymore by myself. it hurts me too much. it hurts me like hell yeah! what in a life i'm living for if i always getting hurt? maybe people would think how stupid am i, like they will say just leave the things that make u hurt and thats it. th thing is they make me happy and they can hurt me without them knowing. maybe they don't know i felt this way. so i just prayed that they would understand me even a little concern i'm happy. and other thing is, my heart always pumps so heart when i think of that person. just like my heart wanna burst or poped out and my body will just turned cold as in very cold even i off th fan. and i can go fever after awhile. silly things happened to me i wonder why.? and i do write diaries and i kept my own album in my room without someone notice where and what is my diary look like. it just for me and god. nobody knows. do i betrayed? do i lie? these 2 question always playing in my mind. i don't betrayed. but i do lie to these person i love before. i love to lead my life and i hate to be told. but for this person i do it. i will do it. this is how strong my feelings toward these person. and why do i lie? thats was like long story. *sigh* and i don't betrayed for others. once i'm in love what i'll do is to stick on to that person. thats true. but maybe i too friendly like to have alots of friends which make this person felt abit disturbing. i understand this situation because i felt it too when it goes to me. diary, diary only u made my day that i can let out what i felt. i'm so relieved. but still unhappy. i need love. i need that person to talk with. i need that person could gave me a tight hug. it's so weird. so weird. why do we need love? and why does love hurts? i really wish things can got better in me and that person. i love you more than u do. and more than u know. it just won't stop. and won't end. i really dared to say that i really miss you so badly. just so happy to th smile on your face and i miss th hug u gave me before sending me off home last time. i miss you.

yours sincerely,