A few weeks has gone past just in a wink. things changes so fast. even my thoughts. unbelievable whats goin on to me that i've done so much wrong. i fought with mom, dad, kai and even to myself. yes, even to myself! i was to depressed. till my mouth just shoot any words that came in my mind just to vent my anger or to cover up my sadness. firstly, in here i would want to ask for forgivness to this guy named kai. yeah i know what will you'll thinking about how about me and my parents.?? i've talk things out with them and apparently they seem to be a lil understanding what i'm goin through right now. so, ok i just dosen't want to burst into tears about this. so skip it to my firstly sentence. i've done so much wronged towards him. i guess i was just a short-minded lil girl. why lil girl? cause my brain hasn't fully develope. i kept doin the same things again and again eventhough it's wrong. maybe it was ego or maybe it was my stubborness. after losing so much worth in my life, i kept dreaming at work, home, room and even before shutting my eyes to sleep. every second i dreamt about, its worth it that i can see my ego. yeah, obviously i don't have any planning for myself to act ego. it just that i feel i wasn't to concerned by anyone. even at home. only i felt concerned wen this guy i loved is around me. he was there trying to make me laugh a hard times in times, and even there to brought me to movies wen i'm bored or nothing else to do. he was there almost every time i need him. but particular things make me says i hate him is all wrong. i'm stupid to say hate to someone that has showered me with full of joyness and happiness. i kept saying he's bad, he don't love me, he's ego and whatever things. everybody has it own ego. Sometimes things can look back wen u did mistakes if a forgiveness is th word. but what i've learned and thought if there were th forgiveness word. if it does not, u will just have to see yr love with another partner 1 day. it just pain. he thought me to b patient, if he dosen't realise it. yes he do. i was nobody before knowing him. i only knew that i was left out in th world. i thought nobody will prove me what is love, care and everything till i met him. indeed, he's lovely. its nice to see him smile at you. just lucky to see it. but things goes wrong way wen i was careless. i fought back cause i live my life like this like wen people is screaming at u, u scream them back. and fuck care cause u think world are after u. i'm a big dreamer i guess. but wen i dream something and told him it just came truth. maybe i look unsatisfied bt my heart was like overwhelming with joy. haha. hmm yeah nobody knows accept god. but i cant expect joyness from him cause he got his own jobs too. maybe i was too jealous in time to see him out with his friend then me. eventhough almost every week we met like 6days per week just like a full-time job. i don't know, i don't get bored of him even he scolded at me for a reason that makes me hurt. but a smile brought to my face wen i get to meet him. is just like yayness. i don't want people to think why the fuck i'm posting about him in my blog. its just like my diary that i wanna share. i love him thats why i post about him. he just like my colour of my life. if i'm gonna continue my posting about him it just won't end. cause i knew my love for him won't stop. i hope u forgive me kai. bye. love yanny.
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